Right now we are in the middle of a war. The very essence of womanhood is at stake by those who seek to either acquire it, redefine it or destroy it. Those who seek to do so are usually often easily identifiable, however sometimes your enemy presents with an olive branch and with the words “I come in peace”.
I chose the name “Lonely Transsexual” as one which is symbolic over how I feel in the current climate. Surrounded by those espousing the modern ideology, there are times when I feel a lone voice in trying to bring sanity to this debate. Every day I am on the lookout for people who share my views; others who have trod the path of transsexualism, understand the difficulties but who have not partaken of the transgender Kool Aid. They do exist, often deplatformed on Social Media for their “extremist” views. People like Seven Hex and Miranda Yardley for example.
Last year I came across one such person who appeared to share my views. Someone who appeared committed to rebuilding bridges with women and finding a better way.
The truth was sadly more sinister. Far from being a friend to women, this person was an expert manipulator and blatant narcissist. They played people (especially gender critical women) well, yet somehow managed to garner sympathy and come across as the victim every time they came close to being exposed. Even now, having left a trail of destruction behind they have reappeared on Social Media and are gaslighting a new group of supporters. A published author in the field of narcisstic behaviours was asked to review this persons Twitter history recently and was confident that what was being said and the way it was being said was indeed narcissism.
At the point I begun to engage with this person, and to get to know some of their gender critical supporters, it quickly became clear something was wrong. It was only a matter of time before I too became embroiled in their manipulations. Like any narcissist they detested being challenged; theirs was the only way. When a woman challenged them that woman was an hysterical transphobe. When a transsexual challenged them they were told they were a fake pretending to be trans.
Over the space of several weeks I was attacked and manipulated. I was being accused of things that THEY were doing. For example one such accusation was they I had stolen their background story for myself; yet recent events have seen them completely change their own story and it became evident that what they accused me of doing was something they were doing themselves.
Several months later as the victims are able to freely talk, more and more becomes known. One such victim published their own experiences on their blog yesterday and I would highly recommend giving it a read.
The question must be asked. How do you identify those trans people who genuinely want to ally with women? What are the warning signs? Who do you trust? The short answer is you don’t.
Part of the Patriarchy
Whether I agree or not, or can see it or not, I grew up part of the patriarchy. I benefitted from male privilege. Were I to deny that, it should be a massive warning sign.
I can tell you how “feminine” I was growing up and the rejection I felt with my peers. I can tell you the close friendships I enjoy with women. I can tell you all sorts of things (truths) but none of these change the fundamental fact that I was part of a system that oppressed women. I am still part of a sex class that oppresses women. Just because I am a man with no penis doesn’t make me any less of a man.
It is of vital importance to always remember that no matter how much empathy an ally demonstrates they can never truly understand the lived experiences of women in society.
I can share in the experiences of powdery eyeshadow, greasy lipstick and snapping handbag straps. I can even understand a certain degree of sexualisation. However NO ally though will ever truly understand growing up being constantly sexualised through childhood, the humiliation of being underpaid and undervalued at work and the unique issues of the female body (pregnancy, menstruation and menopause for example).
In the past 6 weeks I have tried to support a female teenage family member who was sexually harassed twice. The first instance saw an entitled adult (and complete stranger) demand sexual services and resulted in prosecution, convinction and a restraining order. The second instance was a week ago today and indeed happened whilst I was there; a local clothing shop where the manager sought to demonstrate how to press clothes against your crotch to check for fit and a bizarre obsession with forcing women into changing rooms. These were not my childhood experiences.
Never forget where an ally has come from. Don’t let empathy even sympathy cloud your judgement.
…But Not Me….
In the situation we are in there really is no middle ground. There are few, if any, compromises to be made.
Either transwomen are women or they are men.
Either transwomen should compete in womens sport or they shouldnt.
And so it goes on.
In the person I refer to above they sought compromise. For example they promoted the view transwomen are not men or women but rather “transwomen”. Nice try but transwoman is not a binary sex class and it denies any responsibily for the action and behaviours of other men.
This fight is women fighting for their very identity. An ally supports that fight without seeking to benefit from it themselves. Why should women compromise? Were a burgular to break into your house and get caught would you offer to let them keep part of what they stole.
I see so many times, usually daily in fact, where male trans people argue, rightly so, against certain injustices but follow it up with “but of course that doesnt apply to me….I’m a proper trans”. I’ve heard dozens of reasons from people who argue why they are the exception.
Exceptions are loopholes. It was in making transsexual people the exception to single sex spaces that started us down the slippery slope. No man should be exempted from the rules and of course I include myself in that. I massively appreciate the support and understanding I get from women but I never want to be the excuse “but you let Lonely Transsexual do it….”.
When I go shopping I lock my car. Why? Because you just don’t know who is out there. A thief does not have a neon sign over their head. I am not self IDed but you cant tell that by looking at me. I have no penis but again, you cant tell that by looking at me.I often hear the argument “why don’t you just stealth and get on with life….thats what proper transsexuals do?”; the answer is simple….the mutual trust between women and transsexuals that once existed has been destroyed and I cannot be the exception for ANY reason.
One of the stranger things we often see is this massive emphasis on passability from within the trans community.
When you consider Transsexualism and Gender Identity Disorder as psychological disorders physical appearance is irrelevant. I am transsexual because I have a diagnosis of a condition that originates in my head not because I “look like a woman”.
As a side note when I say physical appearance I see this as different to physical presentation. I do not refer to a “trans” person with a beard!
All to often there is a huge emphasis on passing as a woman and apparent natural femininity that “proves” someone to be the right kind of trans. Just yesterday a transsexual and apparent feminist ally told me that they must use female spaces because they look so obviously female it would be inappropriate to do otherwise. As the old saying goes “what you dont know won’t hurt you”. By that logic there is no harm in putting hidden cameras in womens toilets.
Some transsexuals do indeed have quite stereotypical feminine qualities. Apparently I have legs and cheekbones that have made some women jealous…..SO WHAT? I’m still a man.
Never be coerced into making exceptions based on looks.
Many talk about seeking surgery and make the right noises, but it is always fascinating to me how few ever have GRS surgery and indeed actively avoid the subject.
Penis or not changes nothing when it comes to biological sex but it is always quite telling when it comes to determining a persons history.
Of course not being post op should never be a factor on its own; after all before I had surgery I was still the same person.
What Are You Saying?
Be cautious who you trust. People are often (usually?) not who they appear online. It has been well established that instances of personality disorders including Narcisstic Personality Disorder are more prevalent within the trans community than in society as a whole
Question my motives. I WANT you to and you need to. Never assume anything from someone. I am still a man. I still represent the patriarchy by virtue of my natal sex.
Figure out the other persons motivation and try to find out what they want out of giving their support. Don’t find out too late there is a cost.