THIS POST IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED. READ WITH CAUTION.

In June this year I blogged about my forthcoming surgery in October. At the time it seemed so far ahead.

Well the 23rd October saw the removal of my male anatomy. I’m still a man but I’m a man better equipped to deal with the impact of sex dysmorphia. I blog this from bed hooked up to a catheter!

Sex dysmorphia used to be a very common part of transsexualism but not so with the modern ideology. Someone with sex dysmorphia hates their penis often to the point of self mutilation. It feels “wrong”. Personally I struggled with recurring infections because I had problems with personal hygiene. For years I planned self mutilation in hospital car parks. The very idea someone with sex dysmorphia would expose themselves in the way we see nowadays is often laughable. The modern ideology however says its ok to reject gender identity but still keep original equipment; often with pride.

It hurts me deeply to see people proudly boasting about “ladydick” and engaging in a fantasy lifestyle that combines a partial rejection of gender stereotypes with a testosterone fuelled sex drive. This is not the reality.

Anyway, to the point of this blog! There is a lot of misinformation going about in relation to “gender surgery” so I thought I would take an opportunity to discuss this with you.

I had a procedure known as a zero depth vaginaplasty or vulvoplasty. The penis and testicles are removed, the urethra is rerouted and cosmetically the appearance resembles that of a natal woman. However in this surgery no internal vagina is created. The surgery lasted just under 6 hours and I have 108 stitches. I had the surgery 1 pm on the Wednesday and I was home by 3 pm on the Friday. Back every day though for dressing changes, the next of which is a few hours from now. It was an horrific experience to say the least and even with years of therapy and preparation it still came as a shock. One thing I can say for sure though – the idea of putting a child through this or indeed even a young adult horrifies me. There is nothing about this that can be taken lightly.

Many have asked why I would choose not to have the vagina. There are a number of reasons but first and foremost I had the surgery to get rid of a penis not to acquire a vagina. I saw no benefit in increased recovery time, higher risks etc for something I have no intention of using! Of course people have suggested that this means I’m not a proper woman now; newsflash a man can never become a woman so additional surgery makes no difference!

This procedure is not the standard choice in the UK. The preferred option is the inversion technique. In this method the pelvic floor muscles are divided, a space is created between the bladder and the bowel and the penis/scrotum skin is turned inside out. Those who tell you its “just like the real thing” are talking rubbish. It is non lubricating, non elastic and requires daily dilation to stop it from closing over.

Several other methods exist which are less common. These create a better, more functional vagina (not a high standard from an inside out scrotum) but have far higher surgical risks.

The colovaginplasty uses a section of colon to create the vaginal canal. I’m all for recycling but that seems a step too far!

The Abdominal Mucosa Vaginoplasty uses lining from the inside of the abdomen. The big advantage is that no dilation is required. I can see in the future this being the standard method but its early stages.

The most revolting procedure is the Buccal Vaginoplasty. The vagina is created using skin from the inside of the mouth. I know very little about this option and frankly I don’t want to know any more!

One technique has been discovered however that does offer the perfect vagina. Being born a woman.

One thing I think its important to be aware of is a little “trick” used to inflate the numbers who have surgery. The term “gender affirming surgeries” is often used as an umbrella term for ANY procedure used to alter appearance to the opposite sex. This means a breast augmentation for a man is often termed a gender affirming surgery. The most simplest procedure is one known as a feminizing enameloplasty; the reshaping of the teeth to be slightly shorter and more rounded. It is worth noting therefore that the term “Ive had gender affirming surgery” may mean nothing more than 15 minutes in a dental chair!

Rest assured my blog will continue with my transition now complete. I have successfully transitioned from a biological man with a penis to a biological man without!