I want to thank everyone for your support over the past couple of days. So many people have reached out to me and I’ve been touched, there were even a couple of celebrities which was most humbling. My DM is always open to anyone (sane) who wants to talk to me!
I feel I need to you all to tell you why I disabled my twitter and blog for a period of time on 3rd and 4th August. I came very close to walking away from both Twitter and my blog. My personal safety and that of my friends and family is of the utmost priority and for a time this looked to be under threat.
This trans nonsense can really take its toll on you mentally, especially when you are caught between both sides at times. I am regularly targeted for my views. I do not represent the trans. community or indeed the feminist community for that matter; what I represent is my own moral compass and beliefs.
Increasingly I find myself judged on a daily basis on Twitter, on Facebook and in real life. If someone wants to judge me, do so when you know what I stand for not for what you think I stand for. A couple of days ago, when out shopping, I was standing at a pedestrian crossing minding my own business, waiting to cross. A middle aged woman walked up behind me and hissed “Pervert!” at me and walked away. I was stunned for a few seconds, thinking “Did that really happen?”; I turned to look in her direction and she was looking back at me with utter hatred. I have never before seen such hate in anyone’s face as I did then and it utterly floored me. This is what modern ideology has created. I can’t even blame this woman for her anger.
When I got home I then faced a sock account that had appeared on Twitter and was downright nasty about me. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue but they were aware in some part of my identity in real life (though nowhere near as much as they thought they did) and tried to use that against me. It was terrifying to say the least. To top it all they appeared to have been given information from someone who was on my Facebook “Friends” list. With razor sharp precision they were targeting areas of my life that have caused me great pain in the past and making judgement. In an ideal world I would make my identity known, and may do so in the future, but for now this just isn’t an option.
To top it off on the evening of 4th August a particularly vocal Twitter user very kindly reached out to me with an offer to engage in their favourite sporting activity; they even sent me a picture of their baseball bat. I was requested to attend Paris Airport of all places for my baseball lesson though it seems they didn’t think they would need to bring a ball….
I would like to take the opportunity however to address a few things that were said via Twitter.
“You hate all trans people”
My issues here are not with the people collectively but rather the ideology. I do not hate trans people for who they are; what I hate is the beliefs that puts women and children at risk and erase women’s rights. I support and encourage gender non conformity but I wholeheartedly believe that no-one can change sex. For many individual trans people one can only feel sorry for them; they have been sold a lie and find themselves living in a fantasy bubble world that will, at some point, pop.
Where I also have an issue is in terminology. For decades there were transvestites and there were transsexuals. Very distinct groups. Why do they need to conflated? Why must I now call myself “trans” and deny Gender Dysphoria because it is an inconvenient truth to those who do not understand it?
People are free, under the Human Rights Act, to express themselves as they see fit but never at the expense of the rights of others. My rights are no more important than your rights and vice versa.
“You’re a married heterosexual man!”
Since clearly some see this as a threat to expose this “fact” no problem, allow me!
I have spoken in other blogs about my religious upbringing. One of the big issues I faced was with homophobia. Being gay was a depravity, a path to Hell and to even think such thoughts brought one under condemnation. So, at the age of 21 I married a wonderful young 18 year old woman. This was what God expected of me and I duly obliged; who was I to argue with God?!
As a husband and wife it was disastrous. I was no husband to her and she deserved better. We are now divorced but she is my best friend many years later.
Ours was not a happy marriage with me as the model husband who suddenly announces one day “I’m a lady!”. My gender identity issues were there long before we ever met. Looking back now, we were both immature kids in need of a lot of therapy!
Now, years later, and with much therapy, I feel comfortable in saying I am gay with internalised homophobia that I am currently addressing.
“You’re not proper trans; you’re AGP!”
For those unfamiliar with the term, AGP is a form of transsexualism (autogynephilia) proposed by Dr. Blanchard where the individual is motivated in transition by a sexual desire to see themselves as a woman.
This is not me. Indeed I find it bizarre that I am told I am AGP when all throughout my blog I am always keen to point out that I am, and always will be, a man!
Transition for me has always been about Gender Dysphoria, never about sexual motivation. Contrary to what my critics say I am indeed “trans”; I have multiple independent diagnoses of Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity Disorder and Transsexualism. As many of you have no doubt noticed anyone who doesn’t subscribe to the modern narrative mustn’t be trans! Wouldn’t do to disagree!
In my clinical opinion, this patient sufficiently satisfies the diagnostic criteria to warrant both diagnoses of Transsexualism and Gender Identity Disorder as her mental health difficulties have endured since her formative years.An Excerpt from a psychological assessment for LonelyTS
“You’re just a self loathing trans. person trying to sabotage other trans. people!”
I have addressed this in a recent post “Why I Am A Man”.
I am not self loathing; I simply know who and what I am. I do not need to call myself a woman to be who I am.
“I’ve seen your picture and you are ugly and would never pass!”
“Your makeup looks awful – women would never do it like that!”
I’m not quite convinced they have seen my picture but happy to consider that yes, it is indeed possible that they have.
Let me be quite clear on this; I know I am a man therefore I have no need to have a convincing “woman costume”. I am what I am, I am as God made me. Some people are fortunate to be blessed with good looks, others not so. Does it really matter on the grand scale of things? Do my looks make me any more or less transsexual?
There is a significant school of thought that questions those who do have an obsession with appearance and insist on policing transsexual people for passability. If you are severely impacted by Gender Dysphoria how you look isn’t top of the list of considerations!
I love my makeup. It’s a challenge every time I go out not to buy something new. I could open a shop as it is! I use makeup because I want to; I use it to express myself. I’m not putting a costume on. If you don’t like how I apply my makeup I don’t actually care; I’m not doing it for you! Today I am sporting a two color eye makeup in blue and purple, blue eye liner and blue lipstick! It’s my look and style and I like it. I talk more on the subject in my blog “Stop That Womanface!”.
“You’re mentally ill!”
You know what? Yes I am! There should be no stigma in mental illness and I resent people using it as an insult or a threat.
Connected to my Gender Dysphoria and to some past childhood issues are some quite significant problems that have severely impacted my quality of life. I have been receiving psychiatric support for many years and I have made tremendous progress from where I once was.
Just because I have mental health issues doesn’t make me less trans. “Trans” people can have mental health issues or physical health issues too; they can come from any cultural background or social class. They can be doctors, judges, CEO’s….they can also be predators, rapists and paedophiles.
If you can, please to reach out on Twitter and say hello. Chances are that I will already have had 10 messages before you telling me what a terrible person I am! Please also help me to grow the blog and my Twitter followers and let’s get the message out there!
For now I will continue to blog and tweet for as long as I am able.