In under 4 months (October 2019) I go under the surgeons knife for “gender reassignment surgery”. This was not an easy decision for me to make and I spent many weeks researching the subject and even more time soul searching and praying.
Let me start by saying I am a man. I was born a man and I will die a man. Thats not to say I don’t desperately wish I was born a woman or that I dont look at my male body with utter disgust, hatred and anger but I cannot deny biological fact. Wishing for something doesnt make it reality. I am a male transsexual (since childhood) with significant Gender Dysphoria that has proved difficult to manage.
I have been very fortunate to have had superb psychiatric and psychological input during this process that was in no ways an affirmative approach. In order to be considered for surgery I needed two recommendations from doctors (which I got) and there is no question they would not have hesitated to say no if that was their thought.
In one of my first appointments to discuss surgery I was asked a very strange but actually very profound question.
“Do you want a vagina or to not have a penis ?”
One of the things that stood out for me when I started researching surgery was the widely held view and propoganda that surgery actually gives you a vagina. Indeed there are some who would argue that surgery creates a better vagina than that of a natal woman! It is hardly surprising then that many who seek surgery do so because they want a vagina. It isnt that they are unhappy in having a penis but simply they want a vagina more. The understanding, quite incorrectly, is that surgery swaps a functional biological penis for a functional biological vagina. A significant number would be found to be autogynephilic and in my opinion most of the remaining number are those brainwashed by the trans cult into believing human beings can change sex.
It is hardly surprising that dissatisfaction and regret is a lot higher than it should be. Reality very quickly hits home that a resculpted penis, no matter how good the surgeon, is not a vagina.
Back to the original question and to the second part; not wanting a penis. Gender Dysphoria is not simply a desire to be a member of the opposite sex; there must be a distress at ones natal sex. As with many medical conditions some people are affected more than others. Sadly in my case my life has been profoundly affected causing significant issues in my quality of life.
I say sadly because being transsexual is not something I would wish on my worst enemy and no question its a very tough path. Modern trans ideology and its “gender eurphoria” claims could not be farther from the reality of living with Gender Dysphoria.
For many GD has a significant impact on their perception of their body. I make no secret of the fact I find my male anatomy revolting; were I able to self mutilate safely I would do so. On numerous occasions I have thought through plans of self mutilating in a hospital car park. An erection could cause panic and even nausea. No doubt you are thinking “wow, that person needs serious therapy” and you would be absolutely correct. Hundreds of sessions of counselling and therapy later and nothing has changed. The only thing left is surgery. I don’t want surgery but I do need it. The absolute priority is to not have a penis. For those with similar experiences to myself I was unable to find a single example of regret.
And so a few months from now I will loose my penis. A penis I detest and refuse to look at. What I will get is my primary goal of not having a penis and yes, it will cosmetically represent a vagina but of course it isnt one. Indeed the surgery I am having is called “zero depth vaginoplasty”; no actual vagina is created. It is very much a cosmetic option. As I said before I am male; whether or not my penis is inverted into a “vagina” or not changes nothing.
And so in response to the question posed to me the answer is simple… “its to not have a penis”. I can only hope that this question is put to every single person that even vaguely contemplates surgery.