We live in a time where on any given day there is always something new in the news about transgender rights. The last statistic I saw suggested that here in the UK there are some 500,000 transgender people.
So why do I feel lonely.
I am not transgender, I am transsexual.
All my life from the earliest memories in childhood I knew I should have been born female. The distress caused by watching myself develop into a man disgusted and revolted me to the point where I wanted to commit suicide. My mental health got worse and worse and I ended up institutionalised 5 times in total. I knew who I was and my body didn’t match that.
Because of my strictly religious upbringing I believed that being transsexual was a shameful thing; something that should never be spoken about in civilised society. I should say nothing, play the part of a “man” and get on with life. I tried. My life became a dismal failure and I hated myself every day for what I saw.
I have Gender Dysphoria (GD).
Changing my appearance to go against what society deems acceptable for my biological sex was not something done on a whim. In fact it wasn’t even a choice; it was the essential medical treatment.
Society presents transgender as a simple choice. If you feel like you’d prefer being the opposite sex then hey, you’re transgender! If you like putting on a dress on a Friday night then hey, you’re transgender too. And if you spent every day of your life desperately praying for a miracle that somehow you could wake up and your body could match who you knew you were, sitting at times with a knife wishing you had the courage to cut off your own genitals because anything is better than living with the massive birth defect between your legs then hey, you’re should now call yourself transgender as well.
Many call for gender identity issues to be de-medicalised. Who needs psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors and the like. Why shouldn’t we all just decide for ourselves what we want to be ? Never mind a formal diagnosis – take if for yourself ! Never mind any form of surgery or hormone therapy – women can have penises now. Isn’t that an absolutely terrifying thought ?A legitimate life destroying medical issue is being erased because of a new agenda that tramples women’s rights and puts many women in danger. I have nothing against the individual components of the “transgender umbrella”; I resent the way it is being grouped together.
My dysphoria is treated by hormone therapy and soon surgery. I have been on the hormone therapy for a number of months now and it has made a big difference to my life. Every morning I take one drug to block testosterone and another drug containing Oestrogen. As a result my sex drive is zero, my capability for sex (even if I felt so inclined is zero) and my body is feminising. My skin is softer, my body shape is changing and I have breasts. I am no longer plagued by the horrendous panic of the spontaneous erection and I feel like I’ve been set free from prison. I’ve a long way to go but the journey is well under way. The old male character is long gone never to return and the person people now see is the person getting on with life in the best way possible.
And despite the hundreds of thousands of people who are now self identifying as transgender, I still feel alone; a diagnosed, transitioning, medicalised transsexual.
Despite the modern ideology I know Im not a woman. I accept I cannot change sex. I can wish all my life that I was born differently but wishes don’t make reality. Of course redefining reality to say some women have penises is just ridiculous.
This is not an easy path. I would never in a million years choose to be transsexual. It doesn’t turn me on, there is nothing exciting about it. Simply its the path I need to follow to give me a life.